I’m writing this blog post today with my husband in mind. I’m thinking that he probably will never come accross this and maybe he will never know.
He will never know how much he means to me or what I feel for him. Maybe he will never understand or even begin to know why I love him the way I do.
We have our ups and our downs but I still stick with him. Maybe he takes that for granted. Maybe he will never know that it is the strength of the love that I have for him that I stay, not desperation.
I am fat and pregnant. I have no amazing quality nor do I possess any amazing skills. I can’t cook nor do I know much about satisfying a man in bed. Recently, when I look in the mirror, all I see is my flaws and I’m starting to think maybe you see them too. From head to toe, I am not pretty nor do I have some amazing body. I wonder whether you look at other women and wish that I looked that good. Like the women that have time to always have their nails done and hair set. The women that always have the time to look great no matter what. Somehow, I am not that women. No, I am the women that can get ready in 5 minutes and have our son ready in 10. I am not the women that can always look perfect but I can make a plan to help you in your times of need. I may not be able to cook you food but I can promise you that I can look after our kids like no other. I am an insecure women, you know what we’ve been through together and you know I’m trying my hardest to trust you. Being pregnant and looking like a whale does not help my case. But I love you and the reason that I’ve stayed and always will stay is because I Love You. You may never know how deep that love is for you but I have tried to show you that my love for you is the kind of love that will never let you down and will always have your back. My love for you is the kind of love that will never let you fall, that will always make sure that you come out on top. I’m not some gangster or thug like you, but from what I understand of “Ride or Die”, I believe that this is it. I believe that you and me are down for whatever, whenever with each other no matter what. I know that I love you and that I am willing to do anything for you, even if it kills me.
My dear husband, maybe you are wondering why I am typing this to you. Honestly, I don’t know. But I want you to know that I Love You for who you are (smells, burps and all) and that I Respect You even though sometimes you say I don’t. I appreciate everything that you have done for me ever since I have gotten sick and I am proud of you.
Maybe you will never know but I hope one day you find out that I Love You So Much, much more than every heart beat that my heart will ever beat.
Love You Always,