Heroes and first loves

This morning as I crawled into bed after making arrangements for my husband to leave for work, many things went through my mind. When I finally got in and he turned to hold me and we just got comfortable my 2 month old began to get up. I began to cry.

My husband works away from us. He lives in a separate home from us and only gets to see us on the weekend. Explain that to a 14 month old and a 2 month old. My son and my husband have a beautiful bond, one that I love to admire all the time. It’s amazing and wonderful the way they are together. My son, who is just learning about life has grown so close to his dad, his “da” as he calls him. I can actually see how he misses his dad when he goes away.

Now that we have two kids, my husband and I hardly get time for ourselves. In fact, by the time the kids are in bed, I am so tired that I can barely keep my eyes open. It’s just recently that I’ve realised how badly I want to be in my husband’s arms when we sleep. It’s a deep seeded yearning for him. It’s something I took for granted before but now these instances of us even sleeping next to each other in the same bed are so far and few.

I love my husband and I’m so proud to say that. I’m proud to say that even after all that we have been through, I am still very much in love with him and I still miss him very much. I love my children, they bring the world of joy into my life. My son’s laugh and daughter’s smile are the most beautiful things in the world.

My husband is so clearly my son’s hero and maybe, possibly I am his first love. My husband is also clearly going to be my daughter’s first love and I hopefully will be able to be her best friend.

I need a plan now, to either get to my husband and we settle down somewhere or to get him to us. I need a plan to make money, and that too, loads of it. It’s time to start planning. A life plan, a money plan.

We can’t go on like this. We can’t keep missing him like this. He has got to be here with us. He is where home is.

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